..Three Months..How We Are Coping..

Exactly three months had passed since that fateful day. The four of us: the boys, Sharon and I are coping with it day by day. Time really flies and we are slowly adapting to the fact that Mak is no longer around. We do talk about her whenever possible. Our main and constant worry: Is she alright where she is? Occassional dreams that we got of her kind of provided us with the 'assurance' that we needed. But are they real? Or are they just mind games - as Will puts it - that we keep replaying within ourselves; the way we express our grief?

As time goes by, I find it harder and harder to look at pictures of Mak or pictures that we took together. I still get flashbacks of her, of the times spent, of the things we did. They never fail to bring tears to my eyes. I guess somewhere inside me,no matter how normal I try to act, I still mourn for her.

Sharon misses Mak terribly, because after all, she was the one who was with Mak through to her final moments. Deep within her, she still yearns for that one more chance to hear Mak, to smell her again, to have Mak stroke her hair again. She kept 'relics' of Mak - the last towel that Mak used, Mak's piece of hair..all so that she could remember; being thousand of miles away.

Will. He goes home to an empty house daily. No more Mak to wait for him to come home or ask if he has eaten. He spends most of his time out with his friends and work. It is a good thing that he has these 'distractions', though he does get flashbacks of the times he spends with Mak at home. He doesn't show it, but I think his is the most painful situation between the four of us, because he is at home - where she used to be.

Mak's baby, Jeff. It is painful enough that he has to lose her at such a young age. The rest of us at least got a chance to spend a longer time with Mak. When Jeff goes home now, he feels the emptiness of the house. There is no more anxious Mak to fuss over him whenever he returns for the weekend or the holidays. There are no long phone calls daily from Mak anymore, ever.

Life goes on.
Visiting Mak's urn at the temple where she is placed, provided some, if not more consolation. Will does it daily, Jeff and I whenever we are back home and Sharon; she chants for Mak from across the continent. To say that we miss her would be an understatement; we yearn for one more chance to have her around again. But if it is true that God takes the person He loves most, we are willing let her go - for as long as He places her in a place where there is nothing but eternal happiness.