When Leaders Do Not Have It..

I've just experienced a case of 'when your leaders suck, you're screwed' sort of situation.

My role in the team requires constant assistance from various people so as to ensure that the task that I am assigned to is accurately executed. A few instances of bloopies on my part had taught me to let down my guard and refer to the involved parties for advise when issues arise.

And so in this current task, I was just minding my own business, constantly checking with the person in charge if the issues were really 'issues'. Problem is that I keep getting ambiguous (non)explanations and workarounds that made me skeptical. There was no finalization of any sort, no one fullly communicated to me the expectations and outcome of the issues. Long memos were the only items circulating around; lots of discussion, and no finalization. It did not help that most part of my task failed during execution. What added to the worry was the fact that my hardcopy references were as ambiguous as the explanations that I'd gotten. When could I get reliable sources? kept popping in my mind daily as I went about my task. My heightened concerns made me approach my immediate superior for advise. The necessary communications were made (again via electronic means).

So today I came in to work, hoping to catch up on 'lost time'. A thread of dicsussion on the misunderstanding of how the task should be performed, why are we doing such a thing, the miscommunication of ideas etc were waiting for me in my box. A short glance at them sort of 'demotivated' me a little. I mean, I felt partly responsible for the fact that I was so ignorant about the whole thing, about what to expect while performing my tasks etc. I should've researched further about what I am suppose to do and not just blindly follow the instructions.

I must admit, that guilt did came with some anger and instinctive defensiveness for the fact that the discussion seem to say that I am the ignorant one in the whole hoo-ha, that I should understand the context of my task better. But I did try my best to get the most reliable possible source of information. How could I help it if my source did not give me accurate information and kept beating around the bush? How could I help it if my supposed 'trusted' reference is in fact a load of rubbish?

Should I have been less rigid in performing the task? Then there would be a question of compliance.
Should I have been skeptical of my information source? Then there would be a question of biasness and prejudice.

What if my source does not know as much as expected? Who else could I rely on and trust in such cases? What if even my confidante is as 'good' as I am?

In conclusion, I guess in such situations the best person to trust and rely on would be myself then. Be less ignorant, more open to criticism, use hurdles to stand up tall again, know what I am doing, don't point fingers. That, I think, would be the best defense of all - MYSELF, not anyone else.